Jealousy is a feeling of passionate distrust, doubt about love and fidelity. Like all feelings, jealousy takes many forms:
- calm and noble jealousy - will honestly and without scandal to set the record straight;
- jealousy painful - will harass both partners;
- jealousy is emotionally aggressive - uncontrollable jealousy does not bode well in the long run;
- wild jealousy, as the classics write, can lead to the death of one of the partners.
Causes of jealousy
Jealousy is never unfounded, it's either on the one hand - infidelity, adultery, or on the other side of the feeling of lack of attention, love, warmth, respect, when the first party, and not even thought of cheating. And there are times when both partners have done everything for one partner and are looking for adventure on the side, and the other is terribly jealous.
Most often, jealousy occurs when the emotional connection between partners becomes an emotional dependence of one on the other, and the main factor in the emergence of jealousy is the fear of threat, and the threat can be real or imagined.
Jealousy is caused by the fear of not getting or even losing your partner's attention, and most often this fear develops into a fear of losing your partner. Fear of loss and the desire to keep the most important, beloved, can exacerbate all feelings, so that jealousy will manifest itself first as outbursts of anger, provoking guilt, which will lead to conflict and as a result may finally destroy the relationship. Therein lies the dark side of jealousy.
Despite the fact that jealousy is destructive and primarily destroys the jealous person from within and that it brings danger to the partner and sometimes to the people around them, jealousy is inherent in people just like fear and love.
Types of jealousy
Psychologists consider four types of jealousy:
- Preventive jealousy, then the kind that pushes a faithful partner to cheat, usually the jealous person limits his freedom for fear of infidelity, most often this type of jealousy is destructive.
- Reactive jealousy is a reaction to the fact of infidelity. Often this type of jealousy is constructive, as the emergence of jealousy of the fact that occurred means that the cheater is not indifferent, respectively, the likelihood that both partners will make efforts to save the relationship.
- Retroactive jealousy of the ex-partner, occurs more often in people with low self-esteem, more often in women and it is devastating to the jealous.
- Jealousy associated with the future, with a possible cheating at this time is called anxiety and arises from dissatisfaction with the relationship and the internal restlessness in front of a joint future. This kind of neurotic jealousy, which should contact a specialist.
How to break a deadlock called jealousy
In the first place you should talk to the object of his jealousy, in general, any problems in the relationship should speak up. If your partner is really worried about your condition, it will certainly go to communication, regardless of whether he is guilty or not. After all, it may well be that jealousy is unfounded, a man wraps himself up, and the partner may not actually know what your behavior, which may manifest itself in a range from coldness to aggression. In any case, the problem should not remain silent, as it very quickly may escalate into conflict.
If you are not ready to tell your partner what is going on with you, it always makes sense to talk to someone close to you, to the person who will be honest with you and ask to assess the problem from the outside, because you in such a state can not be objective either to yourself or to your partner.
If you do not have such a person close to you, you should turn to a person, who will be completely disinterested and unbiased, and the best way to do it is a consultant psychologist.
If you have no desire to communicate with a third person, then self-examination will certainly suit you. Check with what your insecurities, which gives rise to jealousy, what is your self-esteem, remember that raising the level of self-esteem is often the key to solving the jealousy problem.
Try to find out for yourself how long you can be jealous, remember your childhood, were there cases when you were jealous, of friends, family members or even things, and if you remember such stories, then you will understand whether jealousy is related to your partner or whether it is only you characteristic feeling, the roots of which lie in the past.
When you've done your self-assessment, it's time to bring yourself back into the problem and look at the whole situation, where all the variables will be taken into account. Does your partner give you cause for jealousy by his/her actions, when and under what situations.What are you jealous of your partner that is not in you or in your relationship? Pay special attention to the good things and the nice things that your partner is doing for you. Make a list of his/her positive qualities and actions toward you. Reconsider your expectations about the relationship, maybe something has changed, and changing your expectations does not mean lowering your standards.
And if you adequately assess the situation to decide that jealousy is your trait, and your partner does not even give a reason, or you want to learn to control your emotions when feelings of jealousy escalate, it seems time to do self-therapy. Express more gratitude to your partner, promote self-improvement, work on making your partner happy, and increase your self-esteem.
Conclusion
In cases where jealousy does not leave you, you can simply distract yourself from these thoughts, do something you love, think about interesting prospects, and constantly remember the warm moments you have in your relationship.
In extreme cases, when nothing helps, you can seek help from specialists who can completely rid you of jealousy.
If you realize that your jealousy may be unfounded, you get yourself wound up, do not immediately discuss the issue with your partner, try to calm your jealousy.
For example, you can use a special tool and try the Tinder profile search of your partner. If the result is negative, you can make sure that your partner does not even have an account on the most popular dating service and get confirmation of the groundlessness of your jealousy. The tool is easy to use, you can also use it to check for an account on social networks, dating sites. You only need to enter your partner's name and surname, as well as your partner's email.
