Transactional relationships can pose challenges as they often revolve around predetermined agreements and conditions. The trajectory of a transactional relationship can either improve or deteriorate over time, depending on how both individuals navigate it.
Many people enter into transactional partnerships due to societal pressures, family expectations, or social standing. However, can a transactional partnership evolve into a romantic one?
Let's delve deeper into the concept of transactional relationships.
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What is Transactional Relationship?
What exactly is a transactional relationship, and how does it differ from the relationships we commonly know?
The term "transactional relationship" often conjures images of arranged marriages or situations where someone marries for personal gain, such as securing favors for their family. In a transactional relationship, couples treat marriage as a business transaction.
Traditional gender roles often exemplify transactional relationships. These roles involve one partner acting as the breadwinner while the other manages household responsibilities.
Understanding a Transactional Personality When exploring interpersonal relationships and personality types, the concept of a transactional personality emerges.
Simply put, a transactional personality is someone who only acts when there is something to gain, either positively or negatively. While this may seem like common sense, numerous instances of charitable acts or bullying contradict this logic.
In this world, many actions defy conventional wisdom and logic, including infanticide, genocide, and non-alcoholic beer. Individuals with a transactional behavior pattern only give if they expect to receive something in return. This behavior extends to all their relationships, including romantic ones.
A transactional romantic relationship involves keeping track of what one gives and receives from their partner. This behavior stems from deep-rooted subconscious and personality traits. While not entirely negative, it often eludes the notice of some modern psychiatrists who adopt a holier-than-thou attitude.
For individuals with a transactional personality, all relationships, including romantic ones, are viewed as transactional.
Transactional Relationship vs. Relational Relationship
A genuine partnership operates as a single unit. Spouses are not pitted against each other; instead, they are seen as a unified entity recognized by both society and a higher power. True couples don't focus on what they give or receive; in fact, they derive joy from giving to their partners.
However, complications arise when individuals change once they enter a relationship. This dynamic adds complexity to the situation.
So, how does one navigate the act of giving to their partner without the fear of being taken advantage of?
Transactional relationships, to some extent, are symbiotic and fair. Other relationship dynamics may resemble forms of servitude rather than true partnerships. While transactional relationships lean towards a "healthy" spectrum, they are not ideal and face criticism from modern love theorists.
The primary concern with transactional relationships is that a give-and-take dynamic centered around sex can feel closer to prostitution than a genuine marriage. This is the core issue surrounding transactional relationships.
True marriages involve traversing through life together as one entity. There is no sense of giving and taking. You and your partner are intertwined, and taking from your partner is akin to taking something from yourself. Giving to your partner is no different than investing in your own happiness, much like gifting them with lingerie or planning intimate moments.
Understanding the nuances between transactional and relational relationships helps foster healthier partnerships built on mutual love, support, and genuine connection.
Transactional Relationship Red Flags
Transactional partnerships, while not ideal, are prevalent in society. You might unknowingly find yourself in one. Curious to know if you belong to this type of relationship? Here are some key characteristics to be aware of.
1. Benefit-Focused Relationship
A transactional relationship mirrors a business transaction. Before entering a contract, you consider the benefits you will gain, right? Similarly, in a transactional partnership, the focus is on personal gain rather than love.
For instance, if one partner is the sole breadwinner, the other partner may expect exemplary household management, including home-cooked meals, cleanliness, and well-raised children.
2. Mutual Expectations
Transactional relationships can be seen as unique business deals. Both parties are aware of what they bring to the partnership. This could include money, status, fame, legal advantages, or other aspects. The couple views their union as a fair contract.
Expectations may abound, but love and affection are not inherent in a transactional relationship.
3. Focus on Personal Gain
In romantic relationships, individuals often prioritize giving to their partners, without keeping score, as love drives their actions. However, transactional relationships are based on a business mindset. Each party aims to maximize their gains rather than what they give.
They seek substantial returns, viewing their relationships as investments. From the start, both spouses are determined to receive what they desire and ensure fairness in the partnership or marriage.
4. Importance of Prenuptial Agreements
Prenuptial agreements are crucial for securing couples' rights. These agreements outline the debts owed to each other in the relationship and the consequences of breaking promises or agreements.
In a transactional relationship, prenups play a vital role, especially if the couple anticipates a potentially tumultuous end to their relationship. Without one, they risk facing unfavorable outcomes.
5. The Healthiness of a Transactional Relationship
Many consider transactional relationships unhealthy due to their strict give-and-take nature. However, if both spouses remain loyal and exhibit sincerity and moral integrity, one could argue that it can be beneficial in its own way.
Such connections can function even without love if the participants uphold their vows, words, and actions, taking responsibility for their choices and responding positively to challenges. The success of the relationship depends on the level of commitment between the partners.
6. Limited Emotional Engagement
Conventional relationships thrive on emotional connection, shared laughter, and the creation of cherished memories, which contribute to overall happiness. However, emotional distress arises when arguments occur or love promises are broken.
In transactional relationships, emotional involvement is limited as the focus primarily lies on contractual agreements. As long as desired outcomes are achieved, emotional expectations and potential heartbreak are minimized.
7. Lack of Unity
In transactional relationships, partners often find themselves at odds with each other instead of working as a team. They don't share the same goals and dreams.
Rather than considering the collective benefits of the partnership, each individual prioritizes their personal gain. If dissatisfaction arises, complaints may surface, especially if one feels they have given more than they have received.
Understanding the signs and dynamics of a transactional relationship is crucial for making informed decisions about the nature and direction of your partnerships.
The Bottom Line
In a world where transactional relationships can sometimes get in the way of real love and connection, one has to be clear and honest about how to handle the difficulties. Wilda Harrison, a relationship psychologist, says that while the article is helpful for understanding transactional relationships, it doesn't look at how complicated human emotions are or how they might hurt people. "Transactional relationships aren't always "fair and symbiotic," as this article suggests. They often lack real emotional connection, which can leave people feeling empty and unhappy. Promoting transactional relationships as "beneficial in their own way" doesn't take into account the fact that healthy relationships need to be emotionally close and respectful of each other", she says.
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