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A new study in Personality and Individual Differences suggests compatibility is key to lasting relationships, throwing shade on the whole 'opposites attract' idea.
Contrary to the belief that finding a partner means finding someone identical to ourselves, researchers Zsófia Csajbók and Peter Jonason assert that compatibility, like love, encompasses a wide array of factors.
Csajbók explains, "It has long been observed that couples tend to share more similarities than differences across various traits. However, little research has been conducted on the specific characteristics that are most crucial for compatibility."
To address this gap, the researchers enlisted 274 Italian adults to participate in a concise online survey. Participants were asked to prioritize 153 characteristics (e.g., morals, humor, intelligence) they would ideally share with their romantic partner, considering both long-term and short-term relationships.
Csajbók clarifies, "Traditionally, when we inquire about desired partner traits, we receive anywhere from two to a maximum of fourteen factors, depending on the research method employed. However, this time, the question was different. We focused on relationship compatibility and how well couples would function together."
The results yielded a list of 24 compatibility dimensions that ranked higher than others. They include:
- Lifestyle
- Opinions
- Emotions
- Origins
- Sociality
- Romanticism
- Morals
- Family
- Food
- Sensation
- Class
- Religion
- Conformity
- Leisure
- Appearance
- Job
- Conflict
- Empathy
- Humor
- Residence
- Speech
- Intellect
- Enthusiasm
- Activity
The study also revealed additional insights, such as:
- The most crucial compatibility aspect was sharing similar viewpoints on significant topics like sexism, abortion, the death penalty, and gender roles.
- In general, participants desired greater similarity in characteristics relevant to raising children.
- While long-term relationship seekers sought compatibility in lifestyle, morals, and food preferences, intellectual and physical appearance compatibility emerged as essential primarily in short-term relationships.
- Men showed a preference for partners with similar activities and emotions, while women leaned towards individuals with comparable lifestyles, opinions, morals, conformity levels, appearance, and empathy.
- If you feel motivated to seek a partner who aligns with your priorities, Csajbók offers a simple yet effective piece of advice: engage in activities you genuinely enjoy.
"Doing stuff you love naturally connects you with like-minded people, so you don’t have to fake interest in things you don’t actually enjoy. It’s a win in the long run," explains Wilda Harrison.
Frequenting places that cater to your interests, such as the gym, book clubs, or concerts, and connecting with like-minded individuals is a wise strategy. To illustrate this point, Csajbók provides two contrasting dating scenarios:
The Bottom Line
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