Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries... These are the limits you set in any kind of relationship: romantic, platonic, family, or work ones. Why do we need them? They regulate how much emotional energy you give and receive. Setting these limits can make a big difference in your mental health. But how exactly? Let's talk to an expert!
RELATED: HOW TO FIX A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP IN 10 DAYS
Wilda Harrison, a relationship coach, says that setting boundaries is especially helpful when you tend to put other people's needs ahead of your own.
Already want to improve your self-esteem in a relationship, but not sure where to start? Here are some tips on how to set and keep emotional boundaries.
8 Examples of Healthy Emotional Boundaries in Relationships
Emotional boundaries vary a lot from person to person and can be small or big. No matter how big or small they are, they should always mirror and protect your needs in a relationship. Here are some examples to show what emotional boundaries look like:
- Emotion Separation. Don't take on your partner's feelings. When your partner is upset, it's easy to take their bad feelings on yourself, but this can be tiring. Keep your emotions separate from others.
- Your Needs. Put your own needs first, but don't be selfish. This boundary lets you take care of yourself and be more present and balanced in your relationship.
- Maintaining Independence. Try to keep your own identities in your relationship. This lets both people help each other while still keeping their own identities.
- Pursuing Personal Interests. Keep doing things you enjoy that have nothing to do with your relationship. This helps you stay unique and happy with yourself.
- Avoid Being the Sole Savior. You can't be the only one who takes care of your partner's issues. Expecting this can be unfair to both of you and not reasonable.
- Communication Expectations. Set up how you want to communicate. This can include rules like not accepting calls when you're at work or choosing to text instead of talk at certain times.
What Happens when You Don't Respect Emotional Boundaries
Ignoring emotional boundaries can lead to a number of negative outcomes. Like, think of the risk taking blame for your partner's bad feelings or even taking them on yourself.
Emotional boundaries help you define yourself and your partner in a relationship. Without these limits, couples might start becoming too dependent on each other, feeling emotionally drained, or fighting more often. Even if it seems to work for a while, sacrificing your well-being for the relationship isn't good in the long run.
Problems with Setting Emotional Boundaries
Setting emotional boundaries can be hard for a number of reasons. Some people might not see the need for them, especially if they are used to taking on other people's feelings or putting others before themselves. This desire to "fix" your partner's problems can make it harder to set limits.
Even if you know how important emotional limits are, it can be hard to set them up. It can be hard to break bad habits like giving your partner's wants more importance than your own health. Fear of being left alone, unstable attachment styles, and low self-esteem can make the process even harder.
It can also be stressful to start a conversation about emotional boundaries.
Consider the following tips to make this talk go well:
- Timing is Key: Choose a suitable time for both you and your partner. Ensure you're both available and in the right mindset for an open and receptive conversation.
- Use "I" Language: Express your needs and feelings using "I" statements rather than dictating changes to your partner. This approach allows both parties to engage in a more empathetic dialogue.
- Be Firm: While compromise is important, don't compromise your peace and well-being. Clearly articulate your needs and boundaries.
- Open Communication: If necessary, revisit the conversation. Emotional boundaries can evolve, and occasional adjustments may be needed.
Taking Care of Boundary Abuse
"If someone accidentally crosses your limits, talk to them about it. Explain why you think these limits are important," says Wilda Harrison. While a brief discussion about boundaries is fine for most situations, a deeper conversation about the future of the relationship is necessary if they are repeatedly and intentionally crossed.
The Bottom Line
Setting and respecting emotional boundaries is important for keeping good relationships and taking care of yourself.
As Jennifer Pearson, a relationship psychologist, notes "I agree with the fact that strict boundaries can make it harder for people to connect. Take care of your mental health, but accept that emotional risk can lead to deeper, more satisfying connections. Even if it means feeling uncomfortable for a short time."
But if you have doubts about your partner's commitment or think they might be crossing those lines, iFindCheaters can help. As the best way to catch a cheater online, our service lets you look for your partner on dating sites and even spot fake accounts on social media, all without touching their phone or risking a conflict that could make things worse.
Our cutting-edge algorithms search through 55+ popular social media & dating platforms and give you a full report so you can find out what your partner is hiding. Anyways, life’s a lot easier when, you know how to catch your spouse cheating. So, why not to try us for free and make sure that trust and openness are there to protect your mental health and your partnership.
