Congratulations, you've taken the step to end your relationship, and a sigh of relief escapes you. Yet, in those quiet moments when you're alone in bed, the weight of confusion, jealousy, and a pervasive sense of loneliness can creep in. These emotions might prompt a nagging thought: "Perhaps I need them back."
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However, most often, that impulse is a misguided one.
Let's Start at the Beginning: Why the Breakup Happened
If you were able to get through the awkward breakup talk, grew apart from the people you used to hang out with together, and took their number off your phone, there was probably a good reason. Getting away from someone isn't easy, and it's easy to second-guess your choice and drift back into a relationship you weren't certain about. If you're here, it's because you thought it was important.
Maybe the relationship ended because of growing stress, constant fights, and not being able to see past each other's flaws. When someone's company makes you feel more unhappy than happy and they no longer make you happy, that's a good reason to end the relationship.
The breakup could have been caused by cheating, so you had to leave to repair your sense of self-worth and trust. On the other hand, you may have broken up because you had different goals for your lives, even though you liked each other. If they dream of Bali and you dream of the UK, adjustments will have to be made no matter what.
The Realities
While breakups can sometimes evolve into chaotic scenarios driven by poor behavior and communication, they don't invariably spell disaster. Sometimes, they signify a relief for both parties, a necessary course of action rooted in underlying reasons.
Even as it's challenging to initiate a breakup, it's widely acknowledged that being on the receiving end is usually tougher, due to various factors. Your ex probably wasn't prepared for it, hadn't had the time to process it as you did. Caught off-guard, they may not have welcomed the breakup. Being broken up with often triggers a sense of misery, unearths insecurities, and ignites self-loathing or self-destructive impulses.
Support Their Healing
When you've put someone through a breakup, the best approach is to grant them space to heal or glean lessons from their mistakes, depending on the breakup's reason. It's not advisable to show up on their doorstep with token flowers, hoping to mend your errors, even if you genuinely believe you should, even if you're yearning to reclaim what was lost.
Why Might You Have Second Thoughts?
A few obvious triggers may lead you to reconsider.
First, panic can seize you. This sensation hits hard, especially if you've been in a relationship for months or years. Adjusting to single life, missing the shared Halloween costumes or inside jokes, and lacking a partner to lean on during tough times can be profoundly lonely. Yet, you can yearn for companionship without necessarily yearning for that specific person.
Guilt may also play a role in your reconsideration. You might feel responsible for their unhappiness, potentially amplified by the judgment of those around you. The sense of betraying their loved ones or upending their social circles might gnaw at you.
In more complex, potentially toxic relationships, you might backtrack on leaving someone who caused you pain, cheated, or exhibited controlling tendencies. Such individuals might manipulate you into a return.
Additionally, genuine remorse could drive you to wish for your ex's return. The belief that your initial decision stemmed from a misunderstanding or fleeting lapse in judgment might plague you.
This sentiment is intricate. Even if you genuinely believe you've erred, in most cases, it's better to accept that what's done is done.
Even though it's still possible to get back together with your ex, remember that they have their own story to tell about the breakup. You might change your mind, but they might be too hurt to accept you back. That's a fact you have to face. This isn't a one-way choice, because their feelings also change.
Even if both people want to get back together, jumping back into a relationship too quickly can be hard on both people. Neither of you has had enough time to enjoy good alone time or figure out what went wrong in the relationship. Now, you have to sleep alone in the bed you made. Most likely, you'll be happy with your choice in time.
The Bottom Line
Don't worry, getting used to being alone is a process. You'll remember what's good about it and make room for better relationships to grow. Time is a balm because it gives you clarity that rash choices often don't have. No matter how much you want to get back together right away, don't. Taking a few months or even more time apart lets you figure out if the relationship is really right, what lessons you need to learn, and if it can be brought back to life. You shouldn't just sit around and wait, but if a meeting is meant to happen, your paths will naturally cross. In the big picture, a six-month break won't seem like much.
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Doubts are a natural part of life, and being unsure about what to do is just another kind of psychological problem. Remember that YOU broke up with them.
