No matter why your partner treats you badly, putting more value on yourself will help.
In a counseling session, Brenda poured out her frustration, "He is always moody and snaps at me, then later he wants to have sex! I'm so done with this!" Kevin seemed defensive, retorting, "She just doesn't get it!" This dynamic set the tone for a challenging therapy session.
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As their therapist, I probed further, asking Kevin to share his perspective. Clearly agitated, he expressed, "There's nothing I can say that seems to be what you want to hear."
The couple's silence spoke volumes, revealing the complexities of their relationship. They faced the demands of blended family life, challenging careers, and financial stressors, all while coping with Brenda's mother's illness.
The Root of Negative Behavior
Through this session, Brenda learned something unexpected about Kevin: underlying his anger and emotional distance was anxiety, a vulnerability he felt unsafe sharing. Like many individuals, he had adopted the "bottle it up and explode (or implode) later" approach.
This newfound understanding allowed Brenda and Kevin to address the financial pressures together. Seeking professional help enabled them to strengthen their bond and improve their relationship.
Why Tolerate Hurtful Partners?
Tolerating hurtful behavior from a partner can be detrimental to emotional and physical well-being, yet people may do so for various reasons:
- Unhealthy Love: Some individuals still love their hurtful partners and believe the relationship is worth fighting for.
- Fear: Fear of retaliation, violence, or financial instability may deter others from leaving their angry partners.
- Low Self-esteem: Sadly, some feel they don't deserve better or are responsible for their partner's anger.
- Hope (even if it's false): People may cling to the hope that their partner will change with time.
- Unhealthy Guilt: Feeling responsible for their partner's anger issues, or guilt about leaving, can keep some individuals trapped.
Seeking Help and Valuing Yourself
Tolerating a hurtful partner is not a healthy choice. If you or someone you know is in this situation, seeking guidance from a therapist can be beneficial. Remember, you are not responsible for changing someone's behavior. As exemplified by Brenda and Kevin, taking responsibility for their actions and seeking help was pivotal.
No one deserves to be treated poorly by their partner. Recognize your value and consider making decisions that prioritize your well-being. Sometimes, that may involve moving on from a toxic relationship.
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