Rebuilding trust after infidelity can be a complex journey in a relationship. For those who have decided to give their partner a second chance, it's important to be aware of certain indicators that may reveal whether a future with that person is viable or if the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" holds true. With insights from a relationship expert, we have compiled a list of red flags to watch out for, which could indicate that your unfaithful partner is prone to cheating again.
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1. The past behavior is the best predictor of future actions
To gain insight into the trajectory of your relationship, it can be helpful to reflect on previous events. If you notice familiar patterns that led to the initial infidelity, it is crucial to take notice. Therapist Alyson Jones warns, "If your partner fails to take personal responsibility for past betrayals, it does not bode well for healing and growth in your current relationship."
2. Pay attention to your partner's relationship history
Does your partner have a habit of swiftly transitioning from one relationship to another? This could be a warning sign, according to Jones. She explains, "Some individuals fear being alone and have a pattern of immediately entering into new relationships. This relationship history may indicate a recurrence of such behavior."
3. Lack of reassurance regarding their past or present behavior
After cheating, it becomes the cheater's responsibility to create a safe space for their partner's healing and demonstrate patience in rebuilding trust. Jones emphasizes, "If your partner fails to offer the verbal reassurance you need and remains secretive about their past or present behavior, they may be cheating again."
4. Willingness to put effort into healing the relationship
The willingness of your partner to address the aftermath of their actions is a significant indicator of their likelihood to cheat again. Jones explains, "Someone with a history of lies and deception in relationships is more prone to repeated infidelity compared to someone who has expressed remorse and is willing to put in the hard work to rebuild trust."
5. Importance placed on honesty in general
Consider your partner's overall commitment to honesty in different aspects of life. Jones suggests that their attitude towards truthfulness outside the relationship may reflect their level of transparency within it. She notes, "If your partner demonstrates an 'elastic' approach to truth in other areas of life, they may exhibit a similar tendency in your intimate relationship."
6. Disregard for the boundaries set to cope with infidelity
Recovering from infidelity often involves establishing new boundaries to address and prevent previous issues that led to a breach of trust. If your partner consistently disregards these boundaries, Jones advises that there may be cause for doubt regarding their commitment to change. She states, "When healing from betrayal, it is common for couples to establish agreements on how to handle social situations. If your partner withholds information or ignores your messages while spending time with friends, it may be the beginning of another betrayal."
7. Lack of care, consideration, or patience during your healing process
Following an instance of infidelity, the betrayed partner may feel vulnerable and deeply hurt for an extended period. If the cheating partner genuinely wants to rebuild trust and salvage the relationship, they should make every effort to acknowledge and support your healing journey. Jones highlights, "Healing takes time. If your partner consistently shows a lack of compassion for what you have been through and focuses on your shortcomings, they are likely deflecting responsibility and avoiding necessary changes."
8. Gaslighting behavior
Gaslighting refers to the act of deflecting from a subject by shifting blame or anger onto the person questioning them. This behavior is another red flag to watch out for if you suspect your partner's actions. Jones explains, "If your partner engages in gaslighting—dismissing your concerns by labeling you as paranoid and responding with intense conviction and outrage when questioned—it indicates an attempt to avoid personal responsibility." Alyson notes that this behavior can also be a sign of an affair.
9. Continued flirtation with others and seeking external validation
Cheating can manifest as both physical and emotional infidelity, which can irreparably damage a relationship. When trying to move forward from such a significant breach of trust, it is crucial for your partner to make consistent efforts to make you feel secure and regain your trust. Alyson Jones identifies behaviors that run contrary to this, such as "continuing to flirt with others and constantly seeking external validation," as clear indications that they may still be cheating or open to doing so in the future.
The Bottom Line
When it's hard to trust someone again after they've been unfaithful, you should know the signs that they might do it again. Even though you need to be patient and talk to each other, there are signs that can help you find your way to a better relationship. However, relying solely on intuition may not provide the certainty you seek. That's where iFindCheaters comes in.
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