Cheating: Why do we do it?

A man and woman in an amorous embrace cheating at work.
Fantasizing is fine but when it becomes action you become a cheater.

Whether it is on your taxes or your partner, cheating can appear alluring. The familiar often comes to seem routine and predictable. Activities with our significant other stifle rather than inspire. But why?

Do the stress test.

The more pressure we feel in our personal and professional lives, the more prone we are to transfer blame. Especially now with the unprecedented privations and restrictions imposed due to the COVID-19 outbreak we feel hemmed in more than ever before. That sensation of asphyxiation may prompt us to blame our partners and make us vulnerable to cheating in the workplace and/or online.

Insecurity as an aphrodisiac.

The more uncertain and threatened we feel, the more likely we are to seek external affirmation by cheating. If a relative stranger makes us feel sexy and desired, that is a huge and pleasant distraction. At times when we feel the most powerless, our desirability factor can bolster our morale. But it may also prompt us to become a cheater and hurt those who love us even at our worst.

The most dangerous temptation.

Have you ever met someone who loves all the things you hate about yourself? No? Well, if you every do, run away screaming FIRE!!!

“Misery loves company.”

We have all heard that to the point of cliché, yet we all know just how true it is. At our most miserable we will inevitably become magnets for people born to rub salt in our wounds… Sometimes it even “hurts so good” and that is when it is most important to stand up for yourself and the people you care most about.

So, why do we put ourselves in that situation?

Being loved creates responsibility. With responsibility come expectations. With expectations come fears. Most of us spend a considerable portion of our lives attempting to become “rolling stones” gathering no responsibility. “Whatever will be, will be… que sera, sera.” Moss free.

The Ultimate Question is…

What gives YOUR life meaning? For better or worse the only person with the answer to that one is you. From personal experience I can tell you that it is a question well worth pondering. Distractions can be fun for like five minutes… but… what… really… rocks… your…world?

If you do not yet know the answer to that question, that is totally OK. Life is a work in progress and most of us are “hot messes” at best, and “natural disasters” at worst. Either way there is still hope. Just stop taking yourself and your blunders so seriously that you can’t learn from them and there is hope for you.

Why would YOU cheat?

“Let’s get personal, personal, I wanna get personal, let’s get really personal…” (random 1980’s reference to an Olivia Newton John tune…). In this sharing session I will start:

“My name is Victoria and I am insecure. That means I question, among other things, my desirability and sexual attraction is often confusing, am I wrong?”

No.

“I love my partner, yet I do not always feel confident in their love for me… Whose fault is that???”

No one’s of course. Anyone who tells you they always feel confident in love is probably lying.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys, and girls… we are living through a unique situation. Not one of us can predict exactly what impact this adventure will have, yet we all hope the best for each other. “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family…” as Barney says.

Bottom line? Cheating is a choice so stop and think before you act. Just love each other… It really does make the world go round.

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