The Truth About Infidelity: what defines a cheater.
Is thinking about someone else adultery?
It may bruise our pride to learn that our partner has had a fantasy or an erotic dream about somebody else. We should be honest with ourselves though and admit that it is natural to admire what we have been taught is beautiful or desirable. If our boyfriend / girlfriend / husband or wife has been daring enough to tell us about it, we are very lucky because that signifies trust. To really invest in your relationship, top priority should be getting to know your partner and what “rocks their world”: visually, sensually and emotionally.
What would s/he be like in bed?
Humans are curious: when we see an attractive person, a part of our brain is probably wondering about that. There is a vast distance between imagination and action though. My first boyfriend got jealous because I didn’t turn my head away in the cinema when Tom Cruise danced around in his skivvies on screen in the film Risky Business. The irony is that I didn’t find Mr. Cruise attractive, I just thought it was a funny scene (heck I’ve danced around in my skivvies when I was home alone, just not to the same track ). For my boyfriend though it was grounds enough to spoil the whole evening. Later I found out he was oversensitive because just that week Mr. “Holier than Thou” had done the horizontal bop with a girl I knew.
When does someone cross the line and become a cheater?
When both partners have CLEARLY stated that the connection they have is exclusive, with or without exchanging jewelry or signing legal documents, then it could be said that their bond has been breached. That is if one or the other has engaged in erotic activity (real, not imaginary) with another person. If they are only at the chatting stage, then you still have home court advantage! Start telling and showing them how into them you are, the chatroom won’t seem interesting anymore.
What is considered erotic activity?
This is a tricky question. I would like to propose a different question: Where did you stop, because you realized that the connection you have with your partner is more important than an ego boost or a fling? A look can be erotic, a touch (even on the elbow), your body language can be erotic… A kiss, particularly if you’ve had a couple of drinks, can seem sublime – until you realize you aren’t kissing the one who really makes your heart sing.
How can I keep my partner faithful?
We all want to feel sexy, desirable and loved. The more you show your partner that he or she is all those things to you, the less receptive they will be to those signals from others to become unfaithful.
For most guys, there is nothing more attractive than someone who “idolizes” them. If they are facing stress at work or pressures at home, they will be especially susceptible to the charms of a Neverneverland encounter. An erotic adventure can magically transport them, however briefly to a place where the stress and pressure don’t exist. Be sure you are the one providing the adventure!
For most women, there are two highly attractive escapes: the “rebel” and the “good cause”. In the first instance, it is the feeling of being pursued and swept off her feet that is so exciting. In the second, the sense of really being needed by someone who seems “eternally grateful” can be irresistible.
It all started because you dug each other!
Remembering that can be the biggest challenge in any long-term relationship. Even when the scourge of every-day life settles over us and routine seems to be numbing our senses, the two people that started the relationship are still there somewhere. Don’t forget
those two who felt happier together than they did apart: dig them out of the avalanche of bills and deadlines and obligations once in a while and let them have some fun! Squeeze your partner’s hand or their tush when no one is looking just to remind them, and yourself, “Hey, I think you are kinda cute!” Responsibility needs a release valve. The more that you and your partner can be that valve for each other, the less likely either of you are to be led astray.
Love is scary.
If love were easy people would not need drugs or psychiatrists or energy drinks. We would all be high on life 24/7. The key is meaningful connection. Part of growing up is realizing that life is
better when you have someone to share it with. Someone who is willing to put up with your silly jokes, your bad moods and your bad hair days; s/he is worth their weight in gold! Love is finding someone who loves you, despite and because of who you are, without pretending!
Roll up your sleeves and break out the honesty. Take a chance on love! Look here to read more about how we find cheaters:
If you are trying to reconcile after infidelity learn more here: