deception by any other name

A young woman is trying decide if she should lie or not.
Telling the whole truth isn't always easy.

Is withholding information the same as lying?

Perhaps not, but it does show willingness to mislead. In an intimate relationship trust is essential for longevity. If your partner is holding things back, neither of you can commit completely. That gap in trust opens the door for cheating.

Building a solid connection means accepting each other “as is”.

Be good enough for you, you will be good enough for someone else too! Cheaters often need to “hold things back” or hide elements of their life. If you want to level up your relationship, be sure before you invest your whole heart.

Talk about it.

There are several ways that you can protect yourself from deception. Never be afraid to talk about your concerns. If you can’t have a difficult conversation early on, how will you face serious challenges later? If your partner is evasive you can also use technology to level the field.

First things first: do you know who they are? Really?

There is a service called Listing Locator that you can use to feel more secure.  You can confirm that information they have given you is legitimate. With an email or physical address, a phone number, or even just their name you learn their family and relationship status, phone numbers and addresses they use.

Pay attention.

When we discover that we have been lied to that hurts. What hurts more though is realizing that you could have avoided the pain. Really paying attention to what your partner says makes a big difference. Inconsistencies are not difficult to detect if you are actively listening. Beware of only listening for what you want to hear.

Ask first...

If you do pick up on inconsistencies don’t jump to confrontation. Observe and make casual queries for clarification. If your partner becomes defensive or more evasive, don’t rush into commitment. If they become angry or hostile that is a big warning. Start checking the emergency exits.

Show your interest.

On the upside, pointing out those inconsistencies could be the bridge. If your partner understands that you are interested enough to pay such close attention, they might dare to connect more. Many people are guarded. If you really are interested, you want to know if that is because they have been hurt. You also want to know if they are simply manipulative.

Tech can help.

When you have doubts iFindCheaters offers a variety of services that you can use to get answers. There are services that enable you to scan a growing list of dating and lifestyle sites, hook-up apps including Tinder as well as adult entertainment sites. Quickly, easily and anonymously you can find out if your partner is cruising the “meet market” or consuming porn.  

If your partner has active accounts on dating sites that does not mean all is lost. If your relationship is new you should not take that as a threat or an insult. Bring up online dating in conversation and see what they have to say.

Just looking?

If their immediate response is that they would never use those services… you may want to take things slow. Even if you’ve been married for years, don’t jump to condemn your partner. They may see the internet as a “safe” way to build their self-esteem through harmless flirtation.

Armor for amor!

The only way to armor your relationship against deception and infidelity is clear and candid communication. Talk about what you want, including sex, and you will be too in love to cheat. Feeling desired is an important part of a loving committed relationship. Affection and passion are important to relationship health. Seduce each other everyday and no one else will stand a chance!

Learn more about our tools for catching cheaters:

Visit this link to explore ways to protect yourself from liars:

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