DETECTING LIARS 101
Once bitten twice shy… If you have been lied to in the past it can be very to get out there again. Technology has provided a lot of tools to monitor our activities. Capabilities once only available to investigators are now available to regular citizens too. These tech tools are also reasonably priced due high competition in the market. Big Brother really is all around. COVID-19 coming on the scene has and will continue to bring all sorts of new monitoring technologies to light. What the ramifications of all these developments will be remains to be see.
When it comes to integrity in relationships the stakes can be high for our emotional health. With so many ways for people to connect online it was important to find a way to help people protect themselves from phonies, scammers, and erotic predators. iFindCheaters.com uses specialized algorithms to detect online activity such as active profiles on dating sites, social media, hook-up apps, live cam streams and other adult content websites. We believe that transparency is an important factor in relationship success. The more you know about your potential partner the sooner you will know whether the relationship has potential for staying power.
iFindCheaters has brought the same technology that cheaters and serial daters use to find new partners to help you protect yourself. We are very confident in our products, but whatever tech tools you apply, the most important tool of all is your own powers of observation. Avoid taking things for granted or at face value. You deserve and should want to know more. Combine tech with purposeful attention and you can recognize the signs of deception before you get hurt.
IN A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP?
If you and your partner have history and their behavior suddenly changes it does not always mean infidelity. Many factors can create stress, and many people have a hard time discussing what they are up against. In these situations paying attention in essential. Be present and supportive, do not patronize or interrogate. Sensing your support without judgement will make it easier for your partner to open up. If you still feel they are holding things back from you, then consider looking deeper.
Our article Catch a Cheater without Becoming a Stalker you will find five approaches to navigate uncertainty. You can observe your partner and investigate their online activity without being confrontational. Relationship decisions should not be made under emotional duress. If you respect yourself and your partner avoid jumping to hasty conclusions. That can be unfair to both of you.
If you take advantage of the tools iFindCheaters provides you can find out whether your partner is actively seeking extra-relationship contact. Talk about your concerns, avoiding them does not make them go away. The best way to clear the air is to have candid conversations.
JUST GETTING BACK ON THE DATING SCENE?
If you are newly single after a long-term relationship, the rules may have changed substantially. You owe it to yourself to do your homework before entering the brave new dating world. Lying is a very common occurrence in the adult world. To learn more about how liars operate and how to recognize them read our article The Devil in the Details. There are stages in the lying process, if you are aware and recognize them you can protect yourself. You owe it to yourself not to fall prey to predators looking for vulnerable targets. You deserve more that becoming a notch on someone’s belt.
Online dating can save time and offer more safety than the club scene, but you still need to be cautious. The important thing is to go at your own pace and not allow potential partners to pressure you. You have the right to look before you leap. You have the responsibility to yourself to know who you are getting involved with. If someone refuses to answer your questions that is not “mysterious”. A mature adult seeking a relationship should be willing to talk about themselves.
WATCH OUT FOR SUBSTANCE ABUSERS.
That may sound obvious, but substance abusers are among the most accomplished liars. They live in denial and are prone to lose control. The article linked to in the previous paragraph also addresses this. One of the biggest problems in being involved with a substance abuser is that they may come to believe their own lies. They are also subject to memory lapses even when they do not seem to be under the influence. When “normal” is to be drunk or high all day they learn to maintain. They learn to manipulate and can become aggressive if you do not acquiesce.
If you are involved with someone who may be abusing controlled substances organizations such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon can provide insights, resources and support. The national Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) also has a helpline to refer you to services in your area. It will not get better on its own. It is not a “phase” that will pass. Addiction is a black hole that will steadily consume everyone and everything that comes near to its gravitational pull.
KNOWING WHEN TO WALK AWAY.
We live in a society where lying is systematically rewarded. Let that sink in. Personal, professional, and social interactions are often governed by lies. There is massive confusion surrounding the difference between honesty and truth. It becomes even worse when we try to interpret behavior instead of asking difficult questions. In our article LIAR LIAR we examine the truth about lying. Why people do and say things is often more important than what they say and do.
Remember that the only person’s behavior we are responsible for is our own. If someone does not want to change, they will not. You owe it to yourself to step away from situations you cannot change. If someone loves you, they will not want to bring you down with them. Love means wanting the best for your partner. Exposing you to danger or humiliation is not what a person who loves you does. No one deserves to be abused. Love brings out the best in people, not the worst. Ugly behavior is not justified, ever, and it will not go away.
PLANS CHANGE, PEOPLE DON’T.
It can be so tempting to read more into people and situations than is there. When someone has some qualities we value our enthusiasm may lead us to fill in the blanks with our imagination. The irony is that then we feel “betrayed” when we realize the blanks are still there. No conversation about lying can be complete without considering how often we lie to ourselves. Transparency is a two-way street. If we want our partner to be frank with us, we should be prepared to do the same.
There is a big difference between thinking you know someone and taking the time and making the effort to really get to know them. In our article The Double Standard of Deception we explore the tendency to tweak the truth and how that impacts relationships. Learning to appreciate imperfection in ourselves and others is an important first step towards happiness. Be interested and you will be interesting. Just beware of the urge to try and turn your partner into what you want. If they are not already what you want you need to let them go.
LOVE MEANS “AS IS”.
Trust is essential for any relationship to last. Trust may not be where the journey begins, but it is where relationships level up. It takes time to develop, but it is the foundation of any enduring relationship. That said sometimes there is such a thing as over sharing, especially in the early stages. Disclosure is tricky business it can be important to provide context before just blurting things out. There is however a big difference between intentionally withholding information and sharing as you feel more comfortable with someone. In our article Deception By Any Other Name we examine those differences and discuss the importance of clear communication.
Even if your partner was active on hook-up sites in the past or is a consumer of adult media, that does not mean they are a bad person. If they are honest about their interests and you can look at the whole person you have a very good chance at happiness. Perfection is not only overrated it does not exist. Weirdness is what makes life interesting. If you embrace the weirdness beautiful things can happen. Love is the fuel for building a meaningful life together. Shared experiences provide fulfillment, that enriches your life in ways that you may not be able to imagine.
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY DECEPTION.
Lying is not more prevalent among any particular social group. Males, females, transsexuals, all ages, and descriptions lie. All liars want to be believed and usually wish their lies were true. Usually they feel that their reality is not good enough. If they have been doing it long enough they may even begin to believe their own lies. If you really want to understand liars, observing your own patterns of lying is a good place to start. Are there situations in which lying comes naturally to you? In our article Are You A Human Lie Detector we explore how emotional stakes influence lying. We also look at how genuine sincerity can throw liars off their game.
The propaganda rule is nine truths for every one lie. Effective liars weave their tales carefully. Embellishments are not usually piled on. Think about it, every time we make an excuse we are essentially telling a rationalized lie. The real danger lies in making excuses for staying in relationships that are doomed to fail. Attraction alone is not enough. It helps, but without common goals and interests it is difficult to maintain a lasting connection. If you do not feel like you can be yourself there is something seriously wrong. In our article Are Little Lies Sweet we look at the importance of being aware of your expectations, being yourself and speaking your mind.
IF TELLING THE TRUTH IS EASIER, WHY LIE?
Good question! There is no simple answer. The more aware we are the better chances there are of making a relationship work. Pay attention to how people around you express themselves and interact. You will be surprised how much you can learn. It is difficult to own up to embarrassing truths about ourselves. There is vulnerability in being so open and hoping the other will not take advantage.
The best time to come clean about things that might be embarrassing is early on. The more time that passes the more awkward disclosure will become. There is logic in not giving a lot of personal information to someone you have just met, especially if you live alone or have children. It makes sense to spend some time with someone before deciding if you think there is potential. It is a good idea to discuss more personal things if you are considering intimate contact. If someone you have been seeing for a while refuses to answer questions about their family status that could be cause for alarm.
Lying happens all the time. If you are aware of that you can probably avoid getting hurt. Bending the truth is not necessarily a big deal if the intent is not to deceive. You should always be wary of stories that seem too good to be true. Another red flag is if someone you meet pumps you for information but avoids talking about themselves. Luckily, there are now tools you can use to find out the basics. iFindCheaters was created to give you tools to protect yourself from heartbreak. With a few clicks you can confirm their address and marital status with our Listing Locator or see what sites/apps they have active profiles on. We are here to help you put your mind at ease.
If you want to know more about how we catch cheaters check out the article link below: