married and faithful

Adult couple lying in bed in a hotel room with champagne

Vows do not make a marriage.

The commitment behind the vows and your desire to make your partner (and yourself) happy are what keep cheating away! Marriages are never made in Heaven. Flawed and uncertain human beings make, and break, marriages every day. It is up to you and your partner to make it or break it.

Diamonds and documents are no guarantee.

Declaring eternal love in a legal document doesn’t mean people won’t cheat. Ceremonies and jewelry might distract the relatives (briefly). You and your partner are the ones – the ONLY ones – who know why you are together. If you are going into a marriage with the expectation that you will “change” your partner… RED FLAG!!!

Love the one you’re with.

Long lasting relationships are always based in mutual acceptance. If you don’t see each other as you really are, you will be disappointed. To get to know each other you need to talk. Share stuff, uncomfortable and hopefully kinky stuff! That will get you out of your comfort zones and bring you closer together.

People don’t suddenly change.

Your partner won’t “suddenly” change. Circumstances change, and we react to those changes. You and your partner are still who you were when you met and decided to marry. Without even realizing it, we set unrealistic expectations for each other. We see an external package we like, but instead of getting to know the inside we “interpret” ideals that may not reflect reality. Waiting for an ideal we imagined can be disappointing. Our expectations can lead to cheating.

We usually don’t want to hurt each other.

Who sets out with the intention of hurting or disappointing their partner? Only a sadist or psychopath would want to hurt someone. However, holding on to expectations we have never shared with our partner WILL HURT AND DISAPPOINT. Let that stuff go! Get it out in the open where you can both face it and stop it hurting each other. Cheating is a symptom of lack of communication.

Mind readers don’t exist.

It is crazy to blame someone for not reading your mind… but it still happens every day. We are afraid to share what we want. We get angry when our partner doesn’t guess. If you want your relationship to last you must communicate. If you want you and your partner to remain faithful to each other, then talk about AND experiment with sex.

Satisfaction is a two-way street.

To be happy and satisfied is hard work. Adultery is a sign that someone is not feeling validated or appreciated. Be generous with your love. Maintain a sense of fun and let your partner know you think they are hot!  Chances are good your partner will do the same. If neither of you feel something is “missing”, why should you seek pleasure or reaffirmation elsewhere?

What brought you together?

If your marriage is facing difficulties, talk about why you got together and what seems different. Do you believe your connection is worth investing in? If yes, then it’s time to really see each other. Explore your connection, emotionally and erotically. It’s up to us to keep the spark alive and fan the fire!

Love means wanting your partner to be happy.

Seeing your partner happy makes you happy too. If mutual desire to improve each other’s lives is missing, your relationship may not have a solid foundation. Silent hoping won’t improve it. Marriage is a celebration of love. It should become stronger and more joyful as you share experiences.  If the relationship isn’t growing, or allowing you to grow, then you have not been honest with yourself.

Love is much more than chemistry it is a conscious choice. What begins with attraction can grow into a deep connection. Life partners should share it all, great sex and great communication. If you share your dreams you are more likely to realize them too!

However, the idea that marriage depends only on both people accepting each other doesn't take into account deeper psychological factors. As Wilda Harrison notes: "It's unrealistic to think that your partner will never change. It's normal to grow as a person, which can put stress on relationships. Also, saying that communication problems are the only reason people cheat is too simple and doesn't take into account the complicated emotional reasons behind cheating. Not just communicating, but also understanding each other's needs and meeting them in a healthy way are important for a healthy marriage."

Want to know more about how we catch cheaters?

Trying to reconcile after fidelity, learn more here:

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