A nationwide survey in 2011 revealed that approximately 25% of adult males and 15% of adult females openly admitted to cheating. There is a definite double standard when it comes to infidelity, and the cheaters have the upper hand. Self Serving Bias is a fancy term for always seeing things from a perspective that is beneficial to you at others’ expense. Many cheaters will habitually blame their partners and/or other external circumstances for their own weakness of character.
“The Devil made me do it!”
Approximately 68% of all cheaters insist that someone or something else is responsible for their actions. Like saying “No” was never an option?! One of the first things to look out for when you meet someone new is to pay attention to how they talk about previous relationships.
A healthy and sane human will acknowledge that it takes two to tango. If their previous relationship ended badly, they will at least infer that they could have been more intuitive or handled some situations better. If from the get-go it is all a sob story about how their partner just didn’t “get” them… put yourself on full alert!
When you flip that coin, only about 20% of infidelity victims blame the “other lover” or external circumstances for their partner’s cheating. Some however will go to considerable trouble making excuses for the infidel – don’t be that person! Being cheated on hurts, but don’t let it beat you down. LEARN from you experience and keep on walkin’!
No harm no foul.
Sexual hypocrites, aka cheaters, will insist that their actions do not harm their partners. The ones on the receiving end of the infidelity however may make excuses for the cheater, but they will admit the emotional toll. Some cheaters even claim that they “play around” intentionally because that makes their partner try harder. If you are dating one of those… walk away (or run), do not take their calls and keep looking for someone who will not shred your self esteem without batting an eyelash.
How to spot a serial cheater:
Personality type plays a significant role. At the top of the suspect list are the narcissists. These individuals will try to turn the tables even when caught “red-handed”. They will insist that their partner’s shortcomings and not their ego’s quest for satisfaction are to blame for their indiscretions. The freaky part though is that they often do not even realize they are doing it. That is what makes them so convincing!
Narcissism may not sound serious, but it is. The Narcissist will ALWAYS come first, and you will never be able to satisfy their needs. You and your feelings may not even hold any place on their list of priorities and living like that is devastating.
Narcissist or just vain; how do I know?
Many people confuse narcissism with vanity. There are however distinct differences and you should learn them to protect yourself. A vain person thinks highly of their accomplishments, their appearance, their possessions. They may talk about any of the above a bit too much and seem tiresome. A narcissist on the other hand BELIEVES they are the center of the universe. Narcissists are charismatic dare devils, they don’t seek social acceptance, they demand it!
In the natural realm there is the law of nature: survival of the fittest. In the human dating and relationship world the narcissists do not merely claim that title, the “fittest”, they proclaim it like a challenge to all comers. “I dare you to resist my charms and deny my claim on you.” The narcissist will sweep you off your feet, then let you drop like a ton of bricks. If you don’t figure it out the first time, they will do it: over, and over, and over again until you learn or just give in.
Do not fear new relationships. Just enter them with your intelligence intact!